Posts tagged struggle

The struggles of transitioning to LFRV (low fat raw vegan)

Thanks in large part to my sister, I’ve realized that most of my blog posts relating to transitioning to low fat raw vegan have been quite chipper, to say the least. I tend to get the urge to write, in regards to this transition, when everything feels great. On the other hand, when everything feels off balance and out of whack, it seems that’s the last thing I want to do. I want to keep this blog honest and relatable and this transition has been far from an easy one.

In a sense I wish everything was fantastic and that I could ramble on and on about every new wonderful thing that keeps happening to me because of this diet, but let’s be honest, it’s been a rocky road based solely on trust. Trusting that this is the way to live my life, trusting that every weird uncalled for thing that my body throws at me is all “part of the process”.  But then again I’m glad things are tough, to show each and every one of you reading this that things don’t have to be perfect right away to know they’re right. And that listening to your heart is the most powerful thing that any of us can do. I also want to stress that the unknown is scary, and right now I talk like “I’m there”, but in reality I’m still on the path and will be for a very long time. I guess that’s why we are here in this lifetime, well one small part of it, to experience the path. If we all “got it” there wouldn’t really be a point to this life now would there?

One major theme that keeps popping up lately is The Witness. Shifting my perspective into that of the witness. As my beautiful partner stated so simply, “Instead of being on the ride, why don’t you try watching it?” So here I am watching this strange, ever changing, completely uncalled for ride. The first month of me transitioning to low fat raw vegan was uncomfortable. I struggled to be okay with the fact that I was consuming over 2,000 calories at first. Even though in my mind I kept thinking I’m “over the eating disorder thing”. It was tough. I would get to about 2,000 or a little more and stop. I’m not sure if I was afraid to eat more, but this is what seemed to happen in the beginning. The first month was really difficult getting in those calories on some days, and on some it felt easy. But that first week was god-awful. I had no idea my stomach was so small, now not from the outside, but the size of my organ. At times I felt so full after eating that I had to waddle to my room, come to think of it I still do. The emotional greatness I felt though was a little over whelming. I felt like I had a perma-smile for a few weeks! I may have gained a few pounds but steered clear of the scale. One of the hardest things that I had to deal with initially was my skin. That first week was terrible; I had these little bumps like I’ve never seen before. It felt so discouraging, but I knew this was my body getting rid of toxins that I had stored up over the years with drug and alcohol abuse, bad eating habits and emotional distress.  I kept my trust in the process.

The second and third month gave me more energy on some days, which felt great. I still felt so full at times that all that food seemed to do me no good, because all I wanted to do was sleep! After my first 10-banana smoothie around 3pm, after I thought I was going to barf, I slept until the next day! I got a little more used to the quantity of food, but noticed some food sensitivities. I felt really puffy after eating honey and strawberries, which was really weird, so I stopped consuming those. My skin had gotten back to what it normally is, which isn’t perfect. I mean it’s okay but I still wear makeup every day. I ditched the cleanser and adopted honey for washing my face if I had on makeup and water if I didn’t. This calmed my skin down a lot. During the later part of the third month I almost felt like I might be losing weight. It felt like a miracle after I felt as though I had put on 5 pounds. My weight went a little bit down and then up, so I ditched the scale yet again. After 4 months of not having my cycle I finally had it. I noticed I had no cramps or anything, but my breasts were very tender, which I had never felt before. So, maybe my body was finally getting back into a “normal” rhythm? Hmmm, not so fast…

Here we are, month four, and I am really trying to listen to my heart and follow what I feel is the best choice for my body, mind and spirit. The past week has been very weird. I though my digestive system and “movements” were fantastic, but for what seems like no reason at all I am all “stuffed up!” I researched everything trying to figure it out, which wouldn’t really do me any good any ways, because I plan to stick to this lifestyle. But any ways, off I read and came along Candida. I did an at home saliva test and found out that I have a pretty over active Candida, which doesn’t really make sense since my fat levels are low therefore my insulin can work properly and the glucose can be delivered to my cells, so there shouldn’t be too much excess glucose in my blood. Weird, I know! I have all the symptoms too, bad breath, foggy mind and then all of a sudden great mood, headaches, bloated, gassy, weight gain, constipation, nasal congestion….What a ride! I am now consuming 2,500-3,000 calories per day, but have now decided to try and meet a 3,000 minimum. I am also going to eat mono-fruits for a little while to try and kick this Candida thing in the butt. So I’ll keep you updated with that..

Here’s the bigger picture. I was pretty hard on my body and myself since I was 13 when I had my first drink. So that’s 10 solid years of causing stress to my system in one way or another, so to be uncomfortable still at four months shouldn’t be a surprise. I didn’t get here over night; I won’t heal myself over night. But I am still committed and feel more than ever that this is right for me. I ask you to take my hand while I experience this struggle and I will be there for yours.

I shall practice non-judgment, listen and follow my heart. And I encourage you all to do the same.

Love & Fruit!