Posts tagged love

We are love and we are God. This is truth. “God is oneness. Love is the recognition of oneness when things appear separate”, said so eloquently by my sister. Try your best to not create separation, to feel oneness in all things, at all times. You can do this by inviting deep belly breathing into your awareness, by sitting out in nature listening to the birds sing, by feeling the wind on your cheeks, by standing at the top of a hike or a tall building and looking down at this wonderful place we call home. We are apart of everything, and everything is a part of us. Feel this, know this and you will invite so much Love into your awareness that you won’t have a choice but to share it.

Our intuition is largely taken for granted. Look to your heart for direction, not your mind. The power is in the feeling, not what our mind can create. Our mind has limits, which are language and thought, our heart it limitless. Our heart is the gateway into the infinite.

The only constant is change, and the only thing we know for sure is that we will die. “Memento Mori”, “Remember we must die”. So open yourself up to the limitless possibilities. Allow yourself to shine, in this moment, in the next, and in every moment.

“When we remember our imminent death, and we become open to life, and we begin to see the wonders of life, we will see many, many blessings. They come in many forms: people, words, situations, sunsets, the list goes on. You will begin to hear life, god, the universe calling you, encouraging you to continue opening. Make sure you note these things, and you say thank you. By saying thank you, you are showing up to your side of the deal.”

The Universe, God, the Infinite, is huge. It is so much bigger than us. Feel this, know this and you will begin to feel oneness with all things. We must surrender to the truth, that we are very small and exist for a very short amount of time and that the Universe is very big and very powerful. When we surrender, we let go, and allow this power, this energy to flow through us. When we allow this energy to flow through us, it will show up in the physical by the things that we create. Enjoy the creative process rather than focusing on the end product, and you will feel liberated and free.

Allow yourself to feel. Being tired and in pain, these are very real feelings for most of us. Instead of justifying how you feel, or worrying about it, just allow these feelings to be. If you are very tired, go to bed early, or when you do go to bed be thankful and accept the rest. Don’t worry about how much sleep you are going to get, or when you have to wake up, this just takes you away from this moment, the only thing that we really have. The past and future do not exist. They are created by the mind. When you settle into these feelings or emotions, breathe into them and feel them. Bring into your awareness the idea that it is a miracle that you are even here. Be grateful for this, and you will invite this feeling of wholeness into your awareness, and into your heart. For we are all already whole, but may just find it difficult to feel this wholeness.

You are all a gift, and I am blessed to be able to share this with you. You are light, so let this beautiful light shine from within you and emanate from your entire being.

Blessings,

Chantal Johnson

hello all,

i’ve decided to write an update bout my HCRV journey. i started eating fruity december 7th 2011 and have been pretty close to 100% since then. i’ll say 98% to be exact. the 2% falls into the times when i’ve licked my fingers after making a pb&j sandwich for the kids i watch, or back in february when i had a few pickles. but i havent sat down and had a cooked food, or any more than a spoonful of quinoa since i’ve begun. so these little slips may be hindering some of my journey, but it’s all part of it. i’m not here to complain about weight gain, or that i don’t see many of the results that most people have, i’m just here to document my experience, so that in another 6 months i can look back and see how far i’ve come. but thank you to all who read this and have any comments, they are all greatly appreciated!

i came from a background of drug/alcohol abuse in my late teens as well as anorexia, which i’m glad to say has left my life/mind for good now, but in my early 20s i still wrestled with restricting. i’ve been fairly active my whole life and was cooked vegan for 1.5 years before coming to this lifestyle. i’m 5’4” and currently weigh 131lbs. I started this lifestyle off at 118-120lbs and am quite comfortable and feel really wonderful in my body at about 110-115lbs. the first month or so i emotionally felt wonderful, even though my skin got really bad. i tried to become unattached to the physical things that were and are happening to my body because i know in my heart this is the way to live my life. i was also on bc for 6 years an have been off of it for a year, but am not regular yet. the healing process is a slow one, two steps back, one step forward, one back, three forward…but i am practicing my patience and getting really inspired from all of you here on 30bad, so thank you!

the next couple of months i could feel my digestive system getting more regular, it’s much better now but could definitely still be better for the amount of food i eat. i’ve been averaging 2,500 calories and sticking to 90/5/5 even though i eat overts about 4-5 times a week. although this past week has probably been closer to 2,200 calories since i’ve been so busy with work. it’s crazy how some days i feel amazing eating this much and then a few days later am so full all the time. i eat mostly mono-meals until dinner (bananas and dates) and have a big salad with lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes, green onions and a mango/date dressing. sometimes i throw in avocado. i think the overly full feeling is my digestive system not being fully regular yet. i drink 4L of water/day and sleep 9-10 hours a night. this past month i’ve cut down my activity level to only a hike or two a week and a yoga session. i’m just so exhausted all the time and when i do drag myself out for a walk i’m even more drained, so i’m taking the time to sleep and rest. i abused my body quite badly, maybe one day i’ll make another post and go into more detail, so i understand that i have a lot of healing to do. my skin was getting better and has now broken out again. i know it’s my system getting regular again after bc and lots of detox that my body still needs to do, so as ‘dan the man’ says, “get excited about being tired and breaking out because you know your body is cleaning house.” i see myself being active again and having more of a zest for life, but for now things are slow. i’ve mentally given myself at least this year before i jump into anything crazy like doing 1/2 marathons again, which i love. i don’t want to strain my body and slow down this process even more. but any suggestions would be great.

i am trying to love myself the way i am now, but honestly, and as vain as this may sound, it’s tough! but as i’ve said before, a lot easier with all of you. i’ve also ditched cleansers and most of my makeup. i still wear mascara and organic blush when i work at the restaurant, but every other day i don’t. this is something i’ve never done before, so i do feel quite vulnerable, but empowered at the same time. i feel like i’m breaking away from these constraints and walls that society has built around us. i do feel so much more free in a way and then not in another. i feel free with my emotional well-being and spiritual well-being, but my body is holding me back from doing the things i love because i just don’t have the energy. one day everything will align, and i don’t know that for sure, but for now i trust. 

again, thank you all for reading this. any and all comments are greatly appreciated. Have a gorgeous fruit filled day!

- Peace, love & fruit!

Let me preface this by telling you that my sister wrote a letter to herself from the Universe, and I decided to respond with one of my own. I asked the Universe what I needed to hear to help and guide me and this is what was created.

Dear Chantal,

First and foremost you are beautiful. I hope that one day you will see this beauty and embrace it. If you tell yourself this on a consistent basis one day you will believe. I believe in your beauty, in your existence. From the source of the Universe, I must tell you that your life is no mistake, it matters, and it is very important. You have had such exponential growth at such a young age for a reason, a reason soon to be unveiled to you. I cradled your energy in the palm of my hand and gave it all the love I possibly could before I gently laid you down into this mortal world. At times I want to apologize because I see you struggle, but I know there is life behind those eyes and a fire in your soul that will come into alignment with it’s dharma soon enough. I am proud of my creation, my creation of you. 

I just wanted to write a little about how things are going. Not too much has been happening lately, other than work and studying my yoga teacher training. I got to teach an hour and a half karma class this weekend which was very exciting. It put me in the best mood all day long :)

On the food front things are good. I’ll have some great digestive days and then one or two that get me so frustrated and throw me over the edge. I try to blame certain things like “night-shades” or root vegetables. But honestly I think it’s still just what my body needs to do to “repair” and heal itself. 

I’ve been wearing less and less makeup and only some blush, a little concealer, where needed, and mascara on days that I work at the restaurant. All other days are spent makeup free for the most part. I want my body to heal and I know that I need to allow my body to heal. I feel vulnerable and naked and some days it’s hard to feel ugly on the outside, but I trust that with my commitment to this lifestyle everything will sort itself out eventually. 

I’ve been running consistently 2-3 times per week no more than an hour and no less than 20 min. I try to do at least 2 yoga sessions per week however long or short they may be, as well as about 2 days of hiking. It may sound a little busy, but I’m not pushing my body to any limit. I’ve also decided to ride my bike into work within this month and continue to do so throughout the summer. It’s about a 15km ride and quite hilly, so I’m looking forward to that, for what it will do to my body, mind and spirit. 

-Peace and love to all!

I’ve been reading The Shadow by Deepak Chopra, and I feel this struggle more than ever now with wanting to connect to wholeness and feeling this pull into duality. At my core “I am love”, and everything from an external point doesn’t really bring us into wholeness, because everything that is external is something that can be gained or lost and with loss comes hurt. The only true way to connect to wholeness is to connect within. We must “transcend the shadow”. 

As much as I feel this need to go within, I am having very strong feelings of the opposing force, duality. This is bringing up deep seeded fears that I have: the fear of rejection, of not being good enough, of disappointing those closest to me, of upsetting anyone (which I find ironic because upsetting myself doesn’t seem to be something I’m afraid of doing, I tend to do it a lot lately), the fear of not looking good enough, the fear of being strongly judged by others (and yes I know, I am my strongest critic, we all are) and the fear of “messing” things up. I’m trying to not attach myself to these thoughts and feelings, but merely notice them. It’s tough though when these thoughts and feelings come along with strong emotions. I’m letting these strong emotions play their part and work through me. This seems to be aiding this urge to dig deep within me to find that connectedness rather than from this outside world. It doesn’t exist in the outside world, and I’m really starting to see this. Anything that seems to have brought me strong feelings of happiness and bliss that are not from within, seem to be disappointing me as of late. That run that I would go on that would make me feel so happy and energetic, is making me overwhelmed with feelings of being tired and lethargic, the haircut/color that would boost my self esteem, is making me feel more self conscious than ever, the list goes on. It’s not when I find that “perfect balance” that I will be happy, because that balance can always be thrown out of whack, therefore bringing me sadness. It is when I learn to transcend those fears and that duality into the wholeness that I will be at peace. 

I encourage all of you to be as honest with yourselves as possible. Even if it’s just with the thoughts inside your head. I know that in this lifetime I’m here to eventually help each and every one of you on your path, but in order to be the best teacher, healer, friend, partner, neighbor and do-gooder, I need to really work through all of these things that cause pain and suffering in my life. I need to truly learn how to transcend them, not just avoid them. I need to “walk the talk” as authentically as possible. 

Thank each and every one of you for coming here and reading this post today. I’m not afraid to put this out there to everyone, to show you ALL what’s coming up from deep inside of me. I need to be vulnerable with my thoughts, feelings and appearance, to see that these feelings can be worked through. Logically I understand this, but I need to go through the actions to make this a truth for myself. My ego may be a little bruised, but my Self will still be as strong and as beautiful as ever. 

• it can buy a bed, but not sleep
• it can buy a clock, but not time
• it can buy a book, but not knowledge
• it can buy a position, but not respect
• it can buy medicine, but not health
• it can buy blood, but not life
• it can buy sex, but not love

(Source: staypozitive, via chaoticlibra)

The struggles of transitioning to LFRV (low fat raw vegan)

Thanks in large part to my sister, I’ve realized that most of my blog posts relating to transitioning to low fat raw vegan have been quite chipper, to say the least. I tend to get the urge to write, in regards to this transition, when everything feels great. On the other hand, when everything feels off balance and out of whack, it seems that’s the last thing I want to do. I want to keep this blog honest and relatable and this transition has been far from an easy one.

In a sense I wish everything was fantastic and that I could ramble on and on about every new wonderful thing that keeps happening to me because of this diet, but let’s be honest, it’s been a rocky road based solely on trust. Trusting that this is the way to live my life, trusting that every weird uncalled for thing that my body throws at me is all “part of the process”.  But then again I’m glad things are tough, to show each and every one of you reading this that things don’t have to be perfect right away to know they’re right. And that listening to your heart is the most powerful thing that any of us can do. I also want to stress that the unknown is scary, and right now I talk like “I’m there”, but in reality I’m still on the path and will be for a very long time. I guess that’s why we are here in this lifetime, well one small part of it, to experience the path. If we all “got it” there wouldn’t really be a point to this life now would there?

One major theme that keeps popping up lately is The Witness. Shifting my perspective into that of the witness. As my beautiful partner stated so simply, “Instead of being on the ride, why don’t you try watching it?” So here I am watching this strange, ever changing, completely uncalled for ride. The first month of me transitioning to low fat raw vegan was uncomfortable. I struggled to be okay with the fact that I was consuming over 2,000 calories at first. Even though in my mind I kept thinking I’m “over the eating disorder thing”. It was tough. I would get to about 2,000 or a little more and stop. I’m not sure if I was afraid to eat more, but this is what seemed to happen in the beginning. The first month was really difficult getting in those calories on some days, and on some it felt easy. But that first week was god-awful. I had no idea my stomach was so small, now not from the outside, but the size of my organ. At times I felt so full after eating that I had to waddle to my room, come to think of it I still do. The emotional greatness I felt though was a little over whelming. I felt like I had a perma-smile for a few weeks! I may have gained a few pounds but steered clear of the scale. One of the hardest things that I had to deal with initially was my skin. That first week was terrible; I had these little bumps like I’ve never seen before. It felt so discouraging, but I knew this was my body getting rid of toxins that I had stored up over the years with drug and alcohol abuse, bad eating habits and emotional distress.  I kept my trust in the process.

The second and third month gave me more energy on some days, which felt great. I still felt so full at times that all that food seemed to do me no good, because all I wanted to do was sleep! After my first 10-banana smoothie around 3pm, after I thought I was going to barf, I slept until the next day! I got a little more used to the quantity of food, but noticed some food sensitivities. I felt really puffy after eating honey and strawberries, which was really weird, so I stopped consuming those. My skin had gotten back to what it normally is, which isn’t perfect. I mean it’s okay but I still wear makeup every day. I ditched the cleanser and adopted honey for washing my face if I had on makeup and water if I didn’t. This calmed my skin down a lot. During the later part of the third month I almost felt like I might be losing weight. It felt like a miracle after I felt as though I had put on 5 pounds. My weight went a little bit down and then up, so I ditched the scale yet again. After 4 months of not having my cycle I finally had it. I noticed I had no cramps or anything, but my breasts were very tender, which I had never felt before. So, maybe my body was finally getting back into a “normal” rhythm? Hmmm, not so fast…

Here we are, month four, and I am really trying to listen to my heart and follow what I feel is the best choice for my body, mind and spirit. The past week has been very weird. I though my digestive system and “movements” were fantastic, but for what seems like no reason at all I am all “stuffed up!” I researched everything trying to figure it out, which wouldn’t really do me any good any ways, because I plan to stick to this lifestyle. But any ways, off I read and came along Candida. I did an at home saliva test and found out that I have a pretty over active Candida, which doesn’t really make sense since my fat levels are low therefore my insulin can work properly and the glucose can be delivered to my cells, so there shouldn’t be too much excess glucose in my blood. Weird, I know! I have all the symptoms too, bad breath, foggy mind and then all of a sudden great mood, headaches, bloated, gassy, weight gain, constipation, nasal congestion….What a ride! I am now consuming 2,500-3,000 calories per day, but have now decided to try and meet a 3,000 minimum. I am also going to eat mono-fruits for a little while to try and kick this Candida thing in the butt. So I’ll keep you updated with that..

Here’s the bigger picture. I was pretty hard on my body and myself since I was 13 when I had my first drink. So that’s 10 solid years of causing stress to my system in one way or another, so to be uncomfortable still at four months shouldn’t be a surprise. I didn’t get here over night; I won’t heal myself over night. But I am still committed and feel more than ever that this is right for me. I ask you to take my hand while I experience this struggle and I will be there for yours.

I shall practice non-judgment, listen and follow my heart. And I encourage you all to do the same.

Love & Fruit!